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We’re always starving here at the office, and the pantry is forever empty. It’s partly our fault: unless it requires little-to-no effort and can be ready in under 5 minutes, we’d rather just go hungry. C’mon, eating shouldn’t have to be so hard. We’re stoners, people; cut us some slack! Our lunchtime food feasts generally tend to include peel-and-nuke frozen dinners, open-faced PB&J (the other slice being too much effort), Ramen noodles and bottomless coffee. But there’s always one meal that’ll gather everyone ‘round the table like a clan of hungry Waltons—grilled cheese!

By themselves the ingredients of a grilled cheese leave a lot to be desired: goopy, melted cheese you could eat with a spoon and crunchy fried bread. On their own, not exactly the first thing to come to mind when the munchies hit, but something happens when they get together. Whether it’s the neediness of the cheese or the bread that’s looking for the glue to bond it together, whatever it is, magic happens in that frying pan. When you put the two together, it’s a match made in munchies heaven! There’s something inherently special about the sensation of biting into one: the cheese oozes out into your mouth covering every crevasse as the crunchy bread makes for solid chewing ground. 

There’s something inherently special about the sensation of biting into a grilled cheese: the cheese oozes out into your mouth covering every crevasse as the crunchy bread makes for solid chewing ground.

There’s been a recent spike in the demand for grilled cheese here at the office. It’s possible it has something to do with the grilled cheese cookbooks we’ve got lying around. Did you know there are over 50 ways to spice up your grilled grub? Shit, we could eat grilled cheese for months and never eat the same thing twice!

Everyone’s got their favourite way of preparing and eating ‘em. Traditionalists prefer Kraft Singles for their oozy consistency, while fusion cuisine aficionados opt for expensive cheeses like Gruyere and Stilton. There’s a fiery debate about the role of ketchup and pickles in this whole concoction. Some argue that a grilled cheese is no place for a ketchup coat, while others insist pickles be kept at a safe distance from any cheese and bread ensemble. 

No matter how you slice and melt your grilled cheese, one thing’s for certain: it tastes so damn good—and even better when you’re stoned! Pass the ketchup and pickles, please!

Gourmet version:

While there are infinite variations on the old favourite, the ultimate gourmet grilled cheese uses our Cannabutter recipe instead of plain old margarine. Eat grilled cheese and get high at the same time? This one’s gonna be hard to top!

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Olé!

Okay burners gather round. This is a lesson in being proactive—and we ain’t talking about changing the world here. You keep your kit filled and ready at a moment’s notice, right? So why is it that you leave your munching activities to chance? Wandering the aisles of the all-night convenience store under the buzzing fluorescent lights and droning Musak just ain’t no good for your head. You’ve invested in the best chronic, so why are you still eating stale saltines spread with two-year-old Cheez Whiz? It’s time to become a fully functional pothead and that means a little planning so you have the best munchies at your greedy fingertips.

It’s time to become a fully functional pothead and that means a little planning so you have the best munchies at your greedy fingertips.

There is no denying that jalapeño poppers are a delicacy of high-caloric proportions. Grab a hard-working jalapeño pepper, stuff that baby with the smooth richness of cream cheese, and if that ain’t loaded enough for your weed-fuelled voracious appetite, roll them lovelies in bread crumbs and deep-fry to an oil-saturated, crispy perfection. Of course, this sounds great but who’s gonna to do it? Not to worry, you’re a pothead not a Cordon Bleu chef. Get yourself to a big box retailer and buy a big-ass box of poppers and store them in your freezer. (If your freezer door is secured shut with a bungee cord due to the coming of the second ice age, this is a good time to take an ice pick to that sucker and fix the problem.)

With your poppers as easily accessible as your stash, you are prepared for any attack of the munchies. Pop the poppers in the oven or toaster oven (thank the Lord for the toker geneticist who cross-bred an oven with a toaster!) and in 15 minutes flat, you will be in fatty food heaven. Now put on your Vote for Pedro T-shirt, arrange the poppers on a Mexican mud plate and break open a case of la cerveza mas fina and you’ve got yourself a fiesta. Now watch yourself, them peppers is hot!

First appeared in Heads Magazine, Vol.5 Issue 09