Oil shortage? What oil shortage!

Getting stoned before class is a well-kept tradition in the cult of stonerhood. Why? Apart from the fact that learning stoned is so much more fun, many students have to commute from the suburbs into the downtown core via pubic, Oops! public, transportation. For a good portion of students, this means an hour-long bus to commuter train to underground subway routine that has you comatose and dead to your surroundings each and every trip. Smoking makes the super-annoying dude sitting across from you a little more bearable. A decent doobage routine usually goes as follows: light up the joint while waiting for the bus, and clip it when it finally shows up—usually late. Then, respark it while waiting for the train, and then again just before switching to the underground system. By the time you get off at your stop, you’re happily dazed, but starving as all hell. If you’re one of the lucky ones, what awaits you at the top of the escalator is pure urban heaven—the bright neon sign of the 99¢ pizza parlour. Yum…99¢ pizza!

Shelling out a dollar for a huge slice of pizza is always a good deal. What the fuck can you buy these days for 99¢? Not a whole hell of a lot, and a complete meal for that price is way too hard to pass up…especially under the Double Gutwrench Powerbomb grip of the munchies. Forget the fact that the slices have been sitting under the hot lamp for a few hours (we hope!). For 99¢ you can’t get picky. Besides, they’ll grab your slice of choice (no, that one….yeah…just beside it…the one with the extra…yeah! that one!) and shove it back into the oven to heat it up just for you. 

The crust is always thin and perfect; the kind pizza lovers dream of—crisp on the outside and doughy on the inside. The toppings are always generous enough, and the cheese is so stringy and oily, it’s pure bliss. The gargantuan size of the slices makes handling them an acrobatic manoeuvre. They’re too big to fit on regular paper plates and drip and overflow off the sides. Eating a huge piece of pizza like that takes skill, agility and a complete disregard for personal appearance. Inevitably, pizza sauce gets all over your face and the warm oil runs down your arm dripping off your elbow if you ain’t fast enough with your tongue. A tried and thoroughly tested means of eating such a large slice is to fold the piece in half length-wise. It makes the slice sturdier and manageable, plus it kinda turns it into a calzone of sorts. Hmm…calzone!

Gourmet Version:

Take some of that cannabutter we showed you how to make, roll up the rim on your crust and generously spread some of that sweet ganja butter. No one will be the wiser!

Find more Munchies of the Month here