It's a state of mind!
0 Cart
Added to Cart
    You have items in your cart
    You have 1 item in your cart
    Total
    Check Out Continue Shopping

    Munchies — Munchies

    Munchie of the Month: Jalapeño Poppers

    Munchie of the Month: Jalapeño Poppers

    Olé!

     

    Okay burners gather round. This is a lesson in being proactive—and we ain’t talking about changing the world here. You keep your kit filled and ready at a moment’s notice, right? So why is it that you leave your munching activities to chance? Wandering the aisles of the all-night convenience store under the buzzing fluorescent lights and droning Musak just ain’t no good for your head. You’ve invested in the best chronic, so why are you still eating stale saltines spread with two-year-old Cheez Whiz? It’s time to become a fully functional pothead and that means a little planning so you have the best munchies at your greedy fingertips.

     

    It’s time to become a fully functional pothead and that means a little planning so you have the best munchies at your greedy fingertips.

     

    There is no denying that jalapeño poppers are a delicacy of high-caloric proportions. Grab a hard-working jalapeño pepper, stuff that baby with the smooth richness of cream cheese, and if that ain’t loaded enough for your weed-fuelled voracious appetite, roll them lovelies in bread crumbs and deep-fry to an oil-saturated, crispy perfection. Of course, this sounds great but who’s gonna to do it? Not to worry, you’re a pothead not a Cordon Bleu chef. Get yourself to a big box retailer and buy a big-ass box of poppers and store them in your freezer. (If your freezer door is secured shut with a bungee cord due to the coming of the second ice age, this is a good time to take an ice pick to that sucker and fix the problem.)


    With your poppers as easily accessible as your stash, you are prepared for any attack of the munchies. Pop the poppers in the oven or toaster oven (thank the Lord for the toker geneticist who cross-bred an oven with a toaster!) and in 15 minutes flat, you will be in fatty food heaven. Now put on your Vote for Pedro T-shirt, arrange the poppers on a Mexican mud plate and break open a case of la cerveza mas fina and you’ve got yourself a fiesta. Now watch yourself, them peppers is hot!

     

    First appeared in Heads Magazine, Vol.5 Issue 09

    Munchie of the Month: PB&J

    Munchie of the Month: PB&J

    Crusts off to the all-time classic!

     

    Ah, nostalgia! The wonderful feeling you get when something triggers a memory from your past. The sweet smell of wildflowers takes you back to that wonderful mush trip you had in that obscure field somewhere in the middle of nowhere at a buddy’s cottage. And the buds you acquired recently reek of your college days. So when a good buzz brings you back, your stomach starts to gurgle with reminiscence of the sweet taste of foods once consumed obsessively, but now lost in the haze. The only sure fire way to quell the beast is to feed it what it craves most: peanut butter and jelly, baby!

     

    And I’m talking the old-school way: Wonder Bread (fuck whole grains, you’re high!), peanut butter on one slice and strawberry jam on the other. Do not try to blend on the same slice. They must meet together for the first time when the two slices of nutrient-deficient bread come together as one. Ah, love at first smush! Because once you’ve sealed the deal, you’ve gotta squash that baby down as flat as you can. Then, if you wanna go kiddie classic, cut the crusts off. Crusts are for birds!

     

    When a good buzz brings you back, your stomach starts to gurgle with reminiscence of the sweet taste of foods once consumed obsessively, but now lost in the haze.

     

    Now the most critical part: remember to grab a glass of milk before your lazy ass hits the sofa, otherwise you’ll be left with smackmouth instead of cottenmouth! And if you find yourself broke-poor one day, you know you can survive on this shit forever. Remember the year when it was the only thing you’d eat for lunch? Besides, if the losers on Big Bother can eat it for two months straight, so can you.

     

    Gourmet version:

    Substitute Nutella (chocolate hazelnut spread) for the jelly component. You’ll be the superhero of the kindergarten set.

    Munchie of the Month: La Poutine

    Munchie of the Month: La Poutine

    Greasy fries layered with squeaky cheese curds bathed in hot gravy is nothing less than a gastronomical munchies tour de force

     

    Tim was visiting from Australia and after smoking a fatty, we attempted to make a shortlist of all gotta-do things Canadian—the essence of the Canuck experience. The discussion went astray and wound up smack in an overflowing bowl of poutine. How do you describe la poutine to the uninitiated? Fortunately Darcy broke it down for us real easy-cheesy.

     

    The first ingredient of poutine—which by the way comes from the French word for nasty stew—is cheese curds. And what, you may ask, are cheese curds? They are the by-product leftover after making fresh cheddar cheese. Little squeaky turds of flotsam navigating the big cheese barrel. Next come the French fries—big, greasy, hand-cut and deep-fried in perfectly seasoned oil. Finally the topper—gravy. To understand the gravy component, you must first be familiar with a hot chicken sandwich. That’s the classic lunch special served at greasy spoons—a chicken sandwich made with super-soft white bread buried in canned peas and flooded with gravy.

     

    Start with a layer of cheese curds on the bottom, followed by a thick layer of fries, topped with another layer of curds. Now drown the whole thing in hot gravy.

     

    So how do these three ingredients come together in a dish of salty, chewy, stick-to-your-ribs satisfaction? Listen up because you get extra points for presentation. La poutine is served in a deep-dish Styrofoam container. This is the preferred vessel. Start with a layer of cheese curds on the bottom, followed by a thick layer of fries, topped with another layer of curds. Now drown the whole thing in hot gravy. This will melt the cheese. Dig in quickly before the fries get too soggy.

     

    La poutine can be found at reputable hamburger joints (casse-croûtes) or greasy spoons everywhere in Quebec. It has gained converts throughout Canada and the States and even McD’s has picked up on its popularity. Once you get a couple of these gravied delicacies under your belt, you’ll be ready to expand your culinary repertoire and try some of the variations like poutine italienne, which is essentially your regular poutine, hold the gravy and add spaghetti sauce, or poutine smoke meat, which touts the addition of smoke meat to the mix. Poutine, bar-none, is the ultimate munchie satisfaction in a Styrofoam cup.

     

    Gourmet version:

    Le Big Bird: Take a double cheeseburger, put it on a big-ass plate, then bury it in poutine till you can’t see it no more. Dig in! (Smoke two joints before attempting Le Big Bird. Not for the weak of heart.)

    Munchie of the Month: Slush Puppy

    Munchie of the Month: Slush Puppy

    Make it a large lime one, please!

     

    After smoking what I like to call an “enhanced” joint—that’s a little weed rolled up with some magic mushrooms for good measure—and knocking off a box of Fig Newmans, my friend Mark turns to me and says, “I could really go for a large lime Slush.” Oh, yes siree, I think, that would hit the spot. Slushies have a long correlated history to party-centered activities. They are a tried-and-true remedy for hangovers—the popular flavour here being cherry (always large!). And they really are the perfect cure for cottonmouth. They go down fresh and cool, banishing dryness, calming hacking throat, and revving your taste buds into hyper-alert. Mind the brain-freeze, though—you’re supposed to sip these. You are NOT a Shop-Vac!

     

    They go down fresh and cool, banishing dryness, calming hacking throat, and revving your taste buds into hyper-alert.

     

    Now these enhanced doobies tend to shift mental activity into slow motion and communication can get bogged down in incomprehension and repetition. Here comes Mark again, “What would I do for a large lime Slush?” Yeah, yeah, my brain says, a Slushie just now would be the ideal solution but, of course, that would involve someone getting off the couch and driving to the corner store and we all know that ain’t gonna happen anytime soon. But all that comes out of my mouth is, “Uh-huh.”


    Lime appears to be the preferred flavour when struck with couchlock. Don’t ask me why, I cannot say. And no explanation is needed for the size. We fall deeper into our oneness with the cushions trying to follow the storyline of Garfield on TV when Mark pipes up for the third time, “Ahhh, a large lime Slush.” Mercy! Fortunately, there’s an experienced bartender on location and tearing herself from her Buddhist recline, pulls out the blender and fixes us the best margarita slushies this side of the border! All right, they aren’t the authentic deal but they are about one hundred times better. Bring on the tequila, blend me another and make it a large one!

    Munchie of the Month: Stoned Wheat Thins

    Munchie of the Month: Stoned Wheat Thins

    They’re baked but are they really stoned?

     

     

    It’s 2 am. You and your follow drug buddies have put the Playstation controllers down and have decided to venture out of the Batcave in search of munchies. You find yourself aimlessly roaming the aisles of the all-night grocery store. You’re squinty-eyed, reeking of weed and seriously fucked up—the last extra-deep bong hit sent you into the next stratosphere of stoniness. Out from the safety of your crib, you’re paranoid and can’t trust—let alone communicate with—anyone except your mates who are in an equally bewildered state of highness. The fluorescent lights are buzzing hard, a Musak version of Kiss’ Beth is playing on the PA and that keener stock boy at the end of the snack and candy aisle is onto you. You’re on a mission: Get in, get the goods and get out without drawing too much unwanted attention to yourselves.

     

    You’re on a mission: Get in, get the goods and get out without drawing too much unwanted attention to yourselves.

     

    “Whoa… what’s this? Stoned Wheat Thins? Hello!”

    “Dude, check this out. These crackers are called STONED Wheat Thins. How cool is that?”

    “Man, my grams eats those with her tea.”

    “No, seriously! Why would you call them ‘STONED’ Wheat Thins?”

    “Maybe they get you stoned.”

    “Maybe ‘Stoned Wheat’ is code for weed.”

    “That would be sweet!”

    “Maybe the guys who make these are, like, stoned when they make them.”

    “Yeah, like those Keebler elf guys.”

    “Maaaaan, those little guys are just plain creepy. I don’t want those little pudgy elf fingers touchin’ my chow!”

    “Maybe, but how cool would it be to live in a killer tree house smokin’ weed and makin’ cookies all day?”

    “True. And those little elf chicks are kind of hot.”

    “Dude! There’s no elf chicks. You need help, bro!”

    “Oh shit!”

    “What?”

    “We’ve been staring at this pack of crackers for, like, forever, Stock Boy has probably called 9-1-1!”

    “We gotta go! Grab that thing and let’s get outta here.”

     

    Gourmet version:

    Stoned Wheat Thins + Tabasco sardines = Spanish bliss!