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    Munchies — Munchies

    Munchie of the Month: Grilled Cheese, please!

    Munchie of the Month: Grilled Cheese, please!

     

    We’re always starving here at the office, and the pantry is forever empty. It’s partly our fault: unless it requires little-to-no effort and can be ready in under 5 minutes, we’d rather just go hungry. C’mon, eating shouldn’t have to be so hard. We’re stoners, people; cut us some slack! Our lunchtime food feasts generally tend to include peel-and-nuke frozen dinners, open-faced PB&J (the other slice being too much effort), Ramen noodles and bottomless coffee. But there’s always one meal that’ll gather everyone ‘round the table like a clan of hungry Waltons—grilled cheese!

     

    By themselves the ingredients of a grilled cheese leave a lot to be desired: goopy, melted cheese you could eat with a spoon and crunchy fried bread. On their own, not exactly the first thing to come to mind when the munchies hit, but something happens when they get together. Whether it’s the neediness of the cheese or the bread that’s looking for the glue to bond it together, whatever it is, magic happens in that frying pan. When you put the two together, it’s a match made in munchies heaven! There’s something inherently special about the sensation of biting into one: the cheese oozes out into your mouth covering every crevasse as the crunchy bread makes for solid chewing ground. 

     

    There’s something inherently special about the sensation of biting into a grilled cheese: the cheese oozes out into your mouth covering every crevasse as the crunchy bread makes for solid chewing ground.

     

    There’s been a recent spike in the demand for grilled cheese here at the office. It’s possible it has something to do with the grilled cheese cookbooks we’ve got lying around. Did you know there are over 50 ways to spice up your grilled grub? Shit, we could eat grilled cheese for months and never eat the same thing twice!

     

    Everyone’s got their favourite way of preparing and eating ‘em. Traditionalists prefer Kraft Singles for their oozy consistency, while fusion cuisine aficionados opt for expensive cheeses like Gruyere and Stilton. There’s a fiery debate about the role of ketchup and pickles in this whole concoction. Some argue that a grilled cheese is no place for a ketchup coat, while others insist pickles be kept at a safe distance from any cheese and bread ensemble. 

     

    No matter how you slice and melt your grilled cheese, one thing’s for certain: it tastes so damn good—and even better when you’re stoned! Pass the ketchup and pickles, please!


    Gourmet version:

    While there are infinite variations on the old favourite, the ultimate gourmet grilled cheese uses our Cannabutter recipe instead of plain old margarine. Eat grilled cheese and get high at the same time? This one’s gonna be hard to top!

    Munchie of the Month: Jalapeño Poppers

    Munchie of the Month: Jalapeño Poppers

    Olé!

     

    Okay burners gather round. This is a lesson in being proactive—and we ain’t talking about changing the world here. You keep your kit filled and ready at a moment’s notice, right? So why is it that you leave your munching activities to chance? Wandering the aisles of the all-night convenience store under the buzzing fluorescent lights and droning Musak just ain’t no good for your head. You’ve invested in the best chronic, so why are you still eating stale saltines spread with two-year-old Cheez Whiz? It’s time to become a fully functional pothead and that means a little planning so you have the best munchies at your greedy fingertips.

     

    It’s time to become a fully functional pothead and that means a little planning so you have the best munchies at your greedy fingertips.

     

    There is no denying that jalapeño poppers are a delicacy of high-caloric proportions. Grab a hard-working jalapeño pepper, stuff that baby with the smooth richness of cream cheese, and if that ain’t loaded enough for your weed-fuelled voracious appetite, roll them lovelies in bread crumbs and deep-fry to an oil-saturated, crispy perfection. Of course, this sounds great but who’s gonna to do it? Not to worry, you’re a pothead not a Cordon Bleu chef. Get yourself to a big box retailer and buy a big-ass box of poppers and store them in your freezer. (If your freezer door is secured shut with a bungee cord due to the coming of the second ice age, this is a good time to take an ice pick to that sucker and fix the problem.)


    With your poppers as easily accessible as your stash, you are prepared for any attack of the munchies. Pop the poppers in the oven or toaster oven (thank the Lord for the toker geneticist who cross-bred an oven with a toaster!) and in 15 minutes flat, you will be in fatty food heaven. Now put on your Vote for Pedro T-shirt, arrange the poppers on a Mexican mud plate and break open a case of la cerveza mas fina and you’ve got yourself a fiesta. Now watch yourself, them peppers is hot!

     

    First appeared in Heads Magazine, Vol.5 Issue 09

    Munchie of the Month: PB&J

    Munchie of the Month: PB&J

    Crusts off to the all-time classic!

     

    Ah, nostalgia! The wonderful feeling you get when something triggers a memory from your past. The sweet smell of wildflowers takes you back to that wonderful mush trip you had in that obscure field somewhere in the middle of nowhere at a buddy’s cottage. And the buds you acquired recently reek of your college days. So when a good buzz brings you back, your stomach starts to gurgle with reminiscence of the sweet taste of foods once consumed obsessively, but now lost in the haze. The only sure fire way to quell the beast is to feed it what it craves most: peanut butter and jelly, baby!

     

    And I’m talking the old-school way: Wonder Bread (fuck whole grains, you’re high!), peanut butter on one slice and strawberry jam on the other. Do not try to blend on the same slice. They must meet together for the first time when the two slices of nutrient-deficient bread come together as one. Ah, love at first smush! Because once you’ve sealed the deal, you’ve gotta squash that baby down as flat as you can. Then, if you wanna go kiddie classic, cut the crusts off. Crusts are for birds!

     

    When a good buzz brings you back, your stomach starts to gurgle with reminiscence of the sweet taste of foods once consumed obsessively, but now lost in the haze.

     

    Now the most critical part: remember to grab a glass of milk before your lazy ass hits the sofa, otherwise you’ll be left with smackmouth instead of cottenmouth! And if you find yourself broke-poor one day, you know you can survive on this shit forever. Remember the year when it was the only thing you’d eat for lunch? Besides, if the losers on Big Bother can eat it for two months straight, so can you.

     

    Gourmet version:

    Substitute Nutella (chocolate hazelnut spread) for the jelly component. You’ll be the superhero of the kindergarten set.

    Munchie of the Month: La Poutine

    Munchie of the Month: La Poutine

    Greasy fries layered with squeaky cheese curds bathed in hot gravy is nothing less than a gastronomical munchies tour de force

     

    Tim was visiting from Australia and after smoking a fatty, we attempted to make a shortlist of all gotta-do things Canadian—the essence of the Canuck experience. The discussion went astray and wound up smack in an overflowing bowl of poutine. How do you describe la poutine to the uninitiated? Fortunately Darcy broke it down for us real easy-cheesy.

     

    The first ingredient of poutine—which by the way comes from the French word for nasty stew—is cheese curds. And what, you may ask, are cheese curds? They are the by-product leftover after making fresh cheddar cheese. Little squeaky turds of flotsam navigating the big cheese barrel. Next come the French fries—big, greasy, hand-cut and deep-fried in perfectly seasoned oil. Finally the topper—gravy. To understand the gravy component, you must first be familiar with a hot chicken sandwich. That’s the classic lunch special served at greasy spoons—a chicken sandwich made with super-soft white bread buried in canned peas and flooded with gravy.

     

    Start with a layer of cheese curds on the bottom, followed by a thick layer of fries, topped with another layer of curds. Now drown the whole thing in hot gravy.

     

    So how do these three ingredients come together in a dish of salty, chewy, stick-to-your-ribs satisfaction? Listen up because you get extra points for presentation. La poutine is served in a deep-dish Styrofoam container. This is the preferred vessel. Start with a layer of cheese curds on the bottom, followed by a thick layer of fries, topped with another layer of curds. Now drown the whole thing in hot gravy. This will melt the cheese. Dig in quickly before the fries get too soggy.

     

    La poutine can be found at reputable hamburger joints (casse-croûtes) or greasy spoons everywhere in Quebec. It has gained converts throughout Canada and the States and even McD’s has picked up on its popularity. Once you get a couple of these gravied delicacies under your belt, you’ll be ready to expand your culinary repertoire and try some of the variations like poutine italienne, which is essentially your regular poutine, hold the gravy and add spaghetti sauce, or poutine smoke meat, which touts the addition of smoke meat to the mix. Poutine, bar-none, is the ultimate munchie satisfaction in a Styrofoam cup.

     

    Gourmet version:

    Le Big Bird: Take a double cheeseburger, put it on a big-ass plate, then bury it in poutine till you can’t see it no more. Dig in! (Smoke two joints before attempting Le Big Bird. Not for the weak of heart.)