Olé!

Okay burners gather round. This is a lesson in being proactive—and we ain’t talking about changing the world here. You keep your kit filled and ready at a moment’s notice, right? So why is it that you leave your munching activities to chance? Wandering the aisles of the all-night convenience store under the buzzing fluorescent lights and droning Musak just ain’t no good for your head. You’ve invested in the best chronic, so why are you still eating stale saltines spread with two-year-old Cheez Whiz? It’s time to become a fully functional pothead and that means a little planning so you have the best munchies at your greedy fingertips.

It’s time to become a fully functional pothead and that means a little planning so you have the best munchies at your greedy fingertips.

There is no denying that jalapeño poppers are a delicacy of high-caloric proportions. Grab a hard-working jalapeño pepper, stuff that baby with the smooth richness of cream cheese, and if that ain’t loaded enough for your weed-fuelled voracious appetite, roll them lovelies in bread crumbs and deep-fry to an oil-saturated, crispy perfection. Of course, this sounds great but who’s gonna to do it? Not to worry, you’re a pothead not a Cordon Bleu chef. Get yourself to a big box retailer and buy a big-ass box of poppers and store them in your freezer. (If your freezer door is secured shut with a bungee cord due to the coming of the second ice age, this is a good time to take an ice pick to that sucker and fix the problem.)

With your poppers as easily accessible as your stash, you are prepared for any attack of the munchies. Pop the poppers in the oven or toaster oven (thank the Lord for the toker geneticist who cross-bred an oven with a toaster!) and in 15 minutes flat, you will be in fatty food heaven. Now put on your Vote for Pedro T-shirt, arrange the poppers on a Mexican mud plate and break open a case of la cerveza mas fina and you’ve got yourself a fiesta. Now watch yourself, them peppers is hot!

First appeared in Heads Magazine, Vol.5 Issue 09