Johnny Mumbles likes collecting things like LG Chocolate flip phones, burnt out lighters, VHS tapes and Wu-Tang memorabilia. Oh, and weed, lots of weed in his menagerie of mystical marijuana mutations. He can’t recall why he collects all the stuff but he’s sure he has a sticky note or two explaining the reasons for his trove of lost treasures.
Not only does Johnny mumble, but when it comes to weed he’s often at a loss for words—or at least an adequate vocabulary to express the more nuanced details of his grown-up pot practice. In this month’s column, Johnny Mumbles comes to terms with the terms of the legal cannabis space.
Driving to the local dispensary to get the latest pot deal, Johnny Mumbles ponders cannabis consumerism, FOMO, and his 3rd degree weed snobbery. Nostalgic for the days of dodging cops in quest of the dealer’s shoebox chronic, these days, Johnny is collecting reward points and scheduling curbside pickup. What will the future of cannabis look like legally, ethically, and economically? We’ll all play a role in shaping it for generations to come. Step right up! Step right up! Everyone’s a winner. Bargains galore!
Johnny Mumbles has a lot of sticky questions. Real sticky! What future am I accountable for? Does every missed action have a reaction, amplified into countless cosmic repetition? Is this the weed talking? Armed with a degree in Daoist Business, his journey to selflessness isn’t a race—far from it—and most days, he’s just trying to smoke a joint, play rap music and mischievously eat all of the Oreos in the cupboard. What kind of karma is that?
When COVID wiped out the catering industry that employed Johnny Mumbles, his living may have vanished but a less-stressful lifestyle took its place. Swapping out his sedating Indica collection for uplifting Sativa strains, he was awakened to a fresh mind-set. The pandemic may be anxiety-provoking, but Johnny has never felt more optimistic. With his worries gone, he is embracing the unknown and all its possibilities. In Johnny Mumbles: Testing the boundaries of positivity, creativity and cannabis, he shares his journey.