Chill-ax, acts, and asks

By Johnny Mumbles

We are on the precipice of cannabis legalization. State by state, nation by nation, the people are choosing to finally free the herb. Before the complete deluge of dank, I would like to say my piece to all the parties involved. There are my fellow high functioning potheads, then the corporate interests, the muggles, and the legislators. As municipalities discuss weight limitations, avenues for criminal appeals, and changes in the nomenclature, it all comes down to one question, “How chill are you really?” As I address each group, let us remember that the blunt is not a microphone.

The first group is those with the greatest to gain—the voters who smell like weed right now. (Pause.) Yes, I saw you just smell your shirt. Let's face it, dank herb stinks to high heaven. I love its funk but there is a reason why it's called the skunk. What we have to understand is that the uninitiated don’t want the strong aroma of marijuana in their face, or around their families. When it is fully legal, I think a certain modicum of discretion will be appreciated. When we can finally toke as we please, can we be chill about it? As one may enjoy a cigar or alcoholic beverage, in an appropriate space, or at least respecting other people’s personal space? Can we keep it on the low?

A similar query also goes out to the business interests. Can you chill out a little bit? Two things need to calm down. First, can we lower the price of pot? I understand that growing cannabis is expensive, but $60 eighths are ridiculous. Second, can we lower the potency? I’m looking for a serene euphoria, not a transcendental experience. I enjoy a cultivar with a THC percentage between 8% and 20%, ideally with a strong CBD presence. I can appreciate that very strong pot appeals to enthusiasts and connoisseurs but an average percentage of 25% THC requires a healthy tolerance. The first cannabis someone tries should be under 10% THC. We want to partake comfortably, so let’s cultivate enough variety for everyone to enjoy. Education is critical but options are key. How is the cannabis curious going to acclimate if the average product is so mind-bendingly intense?

In order to truly unlock the wonder of legal cannabis, we must find consensus with the third group, those on the fence. Or rather staring through the fence as I light up a joint. I look up, make eye contact and choke on the smoke a little bit. A feeble neighbourly wave caps off the train wreck of the only social interaction I will have today. I’ll put it to you like this: When everyone walking around you is intoxicated, would you rather they be stoned or drunk? (Pause for emphasis.) Exactly. So, let’s just chill for a minute. Even if you don’t personally partake, can you recognize that when each chooses their poison, cannabis appears to be the least harmful to the body and society? Did you just feel a little defensive about your one glass of wine a night? Good, now you know what it feels like. Healthy, responsible adult use of cannabis should not be illegal or a point of shame. I think we can all at least agree that there should be no criminal penalties or records because of it.

Now for the regulators. I am going to need you to be mad chill on this one. First, we need some expedited due process for anyone incarcerated for marijuana. Second, the legislature needs to have a good plan for recreational marijuana sales—a system that prioritizes access, quality, and value. Nothing fancy, nothing complicated, some cross between a CVS and a corner bodega, or maybe even a little Sativa dominant hybrid. Recreational access should be about comfort, safety, and discretion. It should be super chill to purchase and enjoy in an appropriate setting. What if there were age-restricted smoking yurts with pre-roll vending machines and an endless supply of kettle corn and ice-cold seltzer? The legislature needs to think outside the box or at least hotbox the room while they think about it. If lawmakers don’t understand the influence we are under, how can they expect to influence us?

In summary, everyone should just chill out and enjoy the vibe. Legalizing recreational marijuana is the coolest thing I have ever voted for. On November 8th 2022 there was a ballot question in Maryland legalizing marijuana. All it said was “Are you down or not?” Turns out, Maryland is down, and the state will be fully recreational in July of 2023. I was so excited about the ballot question that after I filled in the little circle, I put a heart around it with little pot leaves. Awesome!

Listen on Spotify 

When Johnny Mumbles is thinking about the future of cannabis he listens to rap music. Big surprise. He also thinks about sunny days and positive well being. Lets see if you can pick up the thread. Enjoy.

BIO 

Johnny Mumbles is a lifelong cannabis connoisseur. After years of exploring America's marijuana meccas, he’s settled down as a card-carrying medical cannabis patient. An adult diagnosis of epilepsy inspired the exploration of the medical benefits of CBD along with his faithful compatriot, THC. Aside from travelling the path to enlightenment, he spends his time making hip hop cassette mixtapes, watching VHS movies and rattling away on a typewriter. His goal is to elevate the cannabis conversation by any means possible, one head at a time. The Tao te Ching says, “Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know.” He knows just enough to not speak clearly.

Follow Johnny Mumbles on Instagram here: @johnny.mumbles

Johnny mumbles made a cannabis comic called the Phytos. It's a pot edu-tainment chromic about cannabinoids and terpenes. Check out the project at The Phytos. New comics and swag are coming soon!