A Sativa prescription for the end of the world
By Johnny Mumbles
Today marks the start of a monthly column by Johnny Mumbles, a lifelong cannabis connoisseur and medical marijuana patient, whose goal is to elevate the cannabis conversation one head at a time.
I’d wake up around 9:00 am, dreading the day to come. Logged in and available by 9:30 am. Nobody is thinking about lunch before 9:30 am; they are thinking about breakfast. Around 11:00 am, anxiety would tap me on the shoulder and remind me of all the many things that could go wrong—kitchen delays, traffic, no parking, stubborn security guards along with a million other things that could cause the mission to fail. I took a pay cut to care less, but my integrity has always gotten in the way of my detachment. I was married to stress for a long time until I got divorced from the results.
Sure, I smoked weed every day, but I would wait till 5:30 pm when the workday was over. I told my neighbour that made me a responsible cannabis user. He laughed. I searched out Indica hybrid strains for the longest time, trying to wipe away the adventitious dust accumulated throughout the day. I treasured the relaxing, sedating effects of a moderate strength Indica hybrid, THC level between 8% to 16%, CBD presence ideally above 10%, high Myrcene, and low Pinene. When the pot is too strong it causes me anxiety and discomfort. I’m not trying to get high to get low.
Dreamsicle Skunk. Photo: Takoma Wellness
Every so often, Sativa strains appear with CBD around 12% and THC around 8%. A nice 2-to-1 ratio that puts me in a pleasant head state of giggles and light. Something I would enjoy on the weekend with sunshine and positivity. My favourite DC dispensary, Takoma Wellness has offered some good examples, including Hawaiian Sunrise, Dreamsicle Skunk and Lemon Meringue, even the arbitrarily named Enhanced #2. In Maryland dispensaries, I have enjoyed the Rosaberry, AC/DC, and Tainted Love. In a cannabis collection of mostly Indica hybrids, an energizing Sativa cultivar would dot the inner circle of my yin/yang weed selection. But I would be very cautious, concerned about an overwhelmingly cerebral experience. My headspace can be scary enough without a supercharged boost of a potent Sativa full of Pinene and Limonene. I wasn’t using cannabis to do things; I was smoking weed to undo things.
Employed in the catering industry for most of my career, I have only known the 7-day workweek. At any time, a client could inform me of some terrible outcome that I had no control over and no ability to correct. It was awful when I had to face them in person, but there is nothing worse than a phone call you don’t want to answer. Buzzkill to the max! How could I enjoy a carefree uplifting euphoria when myriad anxieties always circled like sharks? Everyone dreads the moment when they wish they weren’t high.
My headspace can be scary enough without a supercharged boost of a potent Sativa full of Pinene and Limonene. I wasn’t using cannabis to do things; I was smoking weed to undo things.
When people in an office thought about a group event, they thought about me. But now there aren’t people in offices. There are no more large groups eating together. Corporate events are over and large weddings are essentially illegal. The bell has rung; lunch is over! I never loved what I did, but I was good at it. Even if there was nowhere to grow, nobody wanted me to leave, and they gave me just enough to stay. Apathy is powered by appeasement.
We are all living in uncertain times. My industry is a shadow of what it once was. Fortunately, I can collect unemployment, and my partner is securely employed. I wonder what I will do next, and I know countless people are thinking the same thing. I live in a fantasy world, writing like it’s my job, caring for my home and family, and doing my best to stay positive and focused. I hope we will see a renaissance of culture, equality, and justice with love and compassion. The night is always darkest just before dawn.
Enhance #2. Photo: Takoma Wellness
Surrounded by the unknown, I collect my useful skills like kindling for a little fire—a reassuring flicker of potential holding back the gloom of futility. But I surprisingly don’t feel the constant gnawing of anxiety. It’s like the darkness has swallowed all of my little fears. I’m not as frustrated, angry, or disappointed. I have been forced to face myself, and I’m ready to face forward.
Even though time is an illusion, I still wake up around 9:00 am, but now I am excited about the day to come. I’m on by 10:00 am, but it’s my world I’m signing into. I’m not self-employed, but I have employed myself in pursuing my hopes. I face two options, cramming my dreams into another false occupation or doing what I love and figuring out how to get paid to do it. It would be insensitive and incorrect to say that I am happier in these difficult times, but I seem to be a lot less worried. How much does peace of mind weigh on the scale of wellness?
I’m not self-employed, but I have employed myself in pursuing my hopes.
These days I usually roll a joint or take a vape hit before noon. Nineties hip hop playing in the background, I relish the day buoyed by the uplifting, creative euphoria that only a Sativa hybrid within my preferred cannabinoid profile can provide. I find myself taking on more challenges, testing the boundaries of my creativity and positivity. I still enjoy an evening Indica to relax from the day, but I look at my pot library and I notice that the yin and yang have switched, with a growing wave of positive energy and a shrinking core of sedation. You can tell a lot about yourself by the weed you smoke.
Johnny Mumbles is a lifelong cannabis connoisseur. After years of exploring America's marijuana meccas, he’s settled down as a card-carrying medical cannabis patient. An adult diagnosis of epilepsy inspired the exploration of the medical benefits of CBD along with his faithful compatriot, THC. Aside from travelling the path to enlightenment, he spends his time making hip hop cassette mixtapes, watching VHS movies and rattling away on a typewriter. His goal is to elevate the cannabis conversation by any means possible, one head at a time. The Tao te Ching says, “Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know.” He knows just enough to not speak clearly.
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